mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
