when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
