I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
