it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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