Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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