Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
