Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize