I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
