In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
