Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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