I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
