drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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