i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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