ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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