We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
