At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
