last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
