I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
