i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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