The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
