every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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