my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
