Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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