My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
