is your mom at the bar?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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