Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
