apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
