Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
