I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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