cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
