I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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