dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
