Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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