I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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