that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
