I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
