It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
