So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
