if i died would you start the facebook group?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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