I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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