I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize