ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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