just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
