I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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