You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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