Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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