thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
