Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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