No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
