Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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