You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
