I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
