My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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