You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
