Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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