even my farts smell like vagina
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
