This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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