sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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