we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
