I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
