well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
