Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
