There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
