she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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