i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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