oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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