I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
