very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
