We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
