My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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