just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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